Five people were given SAFE and several thousand counterfeit PRIDE Bucks were seized in a raid by school administration last Thursday. There were no fatalities.

We at the Sinecure interviewed one of the counterfeiters, who shall remain unnamed. The following is a transcript of the interview.

Interviewer: What led you to print these PRIDE Bucks illegally?

Jack Dallard: It is trivial to see that PRIDE Buck distribution has a severe predisposition against smarter students. This is only basic psychology. Aronson and Linder proved through the gain-loss theory that humans have a tendency to like people based on how much the like them changes, so it can be said that students who tend to perform poorly that sometimes perform well will be at an advantage over students that always perform well. Teachers do not notice when good students do good things, because they are always doing good things, only when bad students do good things.

Interviewer: …uh… ok. But.. what, like, actually motivated you to do so?

JD: An activity may be accomplished only when the tri-criterion of human action is met. In the words of Charles Koch, Ludwig Von Mises believed that these criteria are “(1) Dissatisfaction with the present state of affairs, (2) a vision of a better state, and (3) belief that we can reach that better state.” In reality, this can be broken into two standards. You must presuppose that this action will make your future better than your present, and you must have a realistic means to do so. I needed an industrial level printer. So, I traded my friends all of the gift cards I got for Christmas for cash, then bought a printer, paper, and ink. I also had to steal a blank signed copy of a PRIDE Buck from a teacher so that I could print pre-verified PRIDE Bucks.

Interviewer: What about the first condition?

JD: After I quickly realized that the PRIDE Buck system is fatally flawed, I realized that I must not compromise with the system. As shown by Werner Güth’s, Rolf Schmittberger’s, and Bernd Schwarze’s Ultimatum Game, it is sometimes necessary to retaliate in order to not be taken advantage of. In this way, you may see it as irrational that I would counterfeit, but it is truly rational because it proves to the school that the intelligent students should not be overlooked in PRIDE Buck distribution, because they may do something irrational in response, like counterfeiting the basically useless currency.

Interviewer: I guess that makes sense. But why would you think that you would be better off with PRIDE Bucks?

JD: I was getting tired of listening to dumb songs on the class change music and wanted to listen to something more exquisite. Something like “Piano Concerto No.5 in E flat major Op.73 -“Emperor”: 2. Adagio un poco mosso by Ludwig van Beethoven, Alfred Brendel, Wiener Philharmoniker, Sir Simon Rattle”, or “Wonderwall by Oasis.” Those are good songs.

Interviewer: I see. Thank you for your time.

JD: My pleasure.

Interviewer: Do you work at Chik-fil-a?

JD: No, it is just incorrect to say “no problem” when an effort is put into something.

Interviewer: Ok then.