What Grinds My Gears: Ugly Christmas Sweater Edition

Flashback to Christmas of 2000– I am five years old and I have just recieved a sweater from my grandmother. It’s not just any sweater, though, it is a hand-knit Christmas sweater, complete with a huge Christmas tree in the middle that has a jingle bell on the top of it. It was the best gift; I loved it so much that I had my grandmother knit a matching one for my American Girl doll.

That Christmas, I discovered my (temporary) love for themed holiday sweaters. I loved the penguins and reindeer, the jingle bells and fuzzy balls, the red and the green, the soft fur and cozy feel. But I did not like to admit that, so I would say that my mom made me wear them. Let’s be real — I picked them out and then begged her to buy them for me.

My secret love affair with holiday sweaters was strong and lasted all the way through elementary school and some of middle school.

Then I realized how dorky they were. And now, I do not like them, and I especially do not like ugly Christmas sweater parties.

Ugly Christmas sweater parties are, in my opinion, one of the most unoriginal things that come with the holiday season. And there are tons of unoriginal holiday activities. Tons. The first 50 people to have one of these parties were clever. The rest of you just want an excuse to go to Goodwill and release your inner grandma.

Not only are the parties unoriginal, but the sweaters themselves are too. Elementary school teachers are the queens of themed holiday sweaters — don’t steal that from them.

Also, I would like to point out that they are the most unflattering object of clothing to ever exist. They can make just about anyone look like a box. If I were going to a Christmas party, I would much rather wear a pretty holiday dress that actually looks good; not a boxy sweater with Rudolph on it. But hey, that’s just me.

The last thing that bothers me about themed sweaters is something that I used to love about them — the 3D stuff. Rudolph’s nose, a penguin’s beak, Santa’s hat, Christmas lights, and so much more because the possibilities are endless when it comes to this kind of thing. Not only is it really strange, but it can also get in the way of things. Nobody needs something sticking off the front of their sweater.

You probably are not as passionate about hating holiday sweaters as I am, but there are some Dunbar students that agree with me.

Junior John Fiske said, “Ugly Christmas sweaters make me uncomfortable because I don’t know if I should make fun of them or compliment them.”

I would have to say that the thing that makes me most uncomfortable is that stores are mass producing fake ugly Christmas sweaters as a joke. Now people don’t even have to raid their local Goodwill anymore. The ugly Christmas sweater tradition lives on and I guess I’ll have to get used to it, but I refuse to wear them.