For Dummies with Jacob Blevins: Navigating the Halls

At the start of every school year, Dunbar hallways start to resemble the arteries of an 85 Year old fried chicken addict. Getting from class to class becomes difficult due to the large amount of new students who do not know the layout and traffic flow of this high school. In order to stop the inevitable mosh pit at the top of each stair case, as well as to improve the traveling experience overall, this guide must be published and shown to the masses.

First of all, the center staircase is a dummy trap. You would think that people would be able to understand that the center of the school experiences the most traffic because it is in…well… the center. Unfortunately, this column’s namesake is necessary because most people don’t understand this concept. The other three staircases, the ramp, and the not-so-secret staircase are all valid means of traveling from floor-to-floor without having to wear pads and a helmet. While staircases produce many challenges, they are not the only obstacles during class change. Sometimes people can be the most disruptive obstacle of all, especially when they slow others down.

Make everyone’s day a little easier and pick up the pace. Regardless of how much time you have, it is important to understand that the people walking to classes behind you are real people who have real classes to go to. It has recently been proven that a person’s walking speed and their “swag” are not directly correlated. Slow walkers may be annoying, but they are not nearly as dangerous as those who can’t seem to decide where they are going.

Unless you are participating in the most inconvenient impromptu line dance of all time, do not change your walking direction suddenly during class change. While you might have realized that your destination has quickly changed, the Dunbar defensive lineman behind you may not be paying attention to your abrupt change in course. While our football players are tough, they do have a sensitive side that might feel very badly about accidently trampling you.

In order to ensure the safety and sanity of all students, please make an effort to improve your walking habits. Efficiency and manners are important in the school environment, and are key components in keeping the class change chaos in the hall to a minimum. Besides, no one wants to see that poor defensive lineman in tears over your untimely demise.