With a vast variety of clubs at Dunbar, there has to be someone who has to take on the burden of objectively and clearly rate them. And since I am so kind, and my opinions are always right, I’m clearly more qualified for something like this than anybody else. My Jimmy Neutron Giga-brain says so.

Here are my objective opinionated thoughts on the clubs here at Dunbar:

#1

The Smash Bros club, good old Smash Bros… can’t go wrong with putting the beat down on some friends only to immediately tarnish the pre-existing friendship you all had. All because you chose a character that they found unfair, despite the fact that they are most likely bad at the video game. But who cares anyway?! You’re clearly right for choosing the character you chose. Besides, who needs friends? Friends are temporary, Smash Bros is forever. Giving people a good place to ruin friendships is a good enough club in my book. Find me and play against my Ganondorf or my King K Rool- I will pop off.

#2

Chess Club… I challenge you all. Right now! I know I’m not the best, but I need to check up on your skills. God forbid that another school tries to challenge us to a chess game and we lose… and for that one player in the club who constantly plays the English Opening… you sir/madam, have my deepest respects. I respect any player who plays a mean English Opening. I’ll be waiting on Chess.com, Dunbar Chess club. You all play a smart brain game that leads to omega brain blasts, so that must mean you all are clearly smart like in MSTC or AP.

#3

Don’t think I do not see you- Anime Club… Yeah, I know you’re lurking there… In the shadows trying to hide from me. Do you think you can escape my judgment? Well, despite the many scandals and incidents, it’s a very safe place for hungry people. Oh- you mean- it’s not just about eating food? I beg to differ. Remember, my opinion is objective and you are wrong. Therefore, for fun exotic foods with funny little cute bunnies on them. Good club- don’t understand where the anime comes from.

Now, I know I could have touched on all of the clubs here. However, I imagine my presence was already enlightening for you all. I know you all most likely got your brains blasted by pure godsend cataclysmic dopamine hyper beams straight from this article to your eyeballs alone. I imagine that all the stimulation is administered all the way through your bloodstream from my extensive witty commentary alone. Unfortunately, though, I have no more time here to write and I don’t want to. Be lucky I didn’t come after you… DND club… that’s called foreshadowing. It’s a turning point in the story that hints at events in the future…

Anyways, I have to cram for the biggest exam of my life that is going to happen next block, so toodles for now friends.